Healing from the Wounds of Invalidation and
Rejection
(Mark2:23, Mark 3:1, Luke 4:16-31)
In the above Scriptural
references we have three examples where Yeshua is seeking to offer his gifts to
the community. In each case leaders in his Faith community, his religious
tradition, not only don't understand or appreciate him, but are led to reject
and even defame or kill him.
In the first example the
passage from the Gospel of Mark narrates the story of how Jesus with his
disciples out of hunger pick the heads of grain from a field on the Sabbath.
Jesus is criticized by religious leaders for breaking the Sabbath. In response
He cites the example of David taking the altar bread from the temple for
himself and his men when he was hungry. He then makes a statement that is
stunning for his time: "The Sabbath was made for man and not man for the
Sabbath… The Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath." For affirming this truth
Jesus receives great criticism and rejection.
In a second instance also
from Mark's Gospel Jesus heals a man with a withered hand, also on the Sabbath.
In this case the text notes that the Pharisees decide they must destroy Him,
suggesting once again that involvement with one's Faith community can be a
risky venture. For this healing act of mercy Jesus is judged a threat to the
community and marked for death.
In a third passage from the
Gospel of Luke we see the story of Jesus returning to preach in his home region
of Galilee and his village of Nazareth. He goes to the synagogue on the Sabbath
and is invited to preach. Preaching from a text of Isaiah he reads, " The
Spirit of the Lord is upon me because he has anointed me to bring good news to
the poor." He stuns them by saying, "Today this scripture is
fulfilled" and confronts them with the continuing injustice in their own
community. The narrative goes on to say that all in the synagogue were filled
with rage and drove him to the brow of the hill where they might "hurl him
to his death." It's clear from the story this was a "close call"
for Jesus and that participation in one's Faith community is too often the path
to rejection. I know of no one in ministry who has not experienced in some
measure this rejection, isolation, and invalidation. The hurt of such rejection
runs deep when our most cherished spiritual gifts are held in contempt by those
we wish to serve.
Our True Acceptance and
Validation
Among our deepest desires is
the desire for validation from others. All of us want to be truly seen,
understood, and appreciated for who we are. We seek this in our family of
origin. We seek this in the families of our creation and choice in adult
life. We seek it in our families
of Faith and work, and in the myriad roles we enact in life. And we never
fully receive it. We have a
longing to share our gifts of service with those in our life, and too often
both gift and the giver are not understood, nor appreciated.
Yeshua invites us to a
journey of completion of our heart’s desire: “Be complete (perfect) as your
Heavenly Father is complete.” (Matt. 5:48) He invites us to find that
completion in Himself. Only in our journey of completion and fulfillment in
communion with Christ do we find truly find our self-offering fully received.
Only in this communion with Christ within we walk through the doorway to
communion with Christ in community. The spiritual life is a process of
integrating the inner life of the Heart with the outer life of service and
activity in the marketplace and activity of human communities.
The Inner and Outer
Journey
Our values, gifts, and
service arise from inner life in Christ. Yet these same fruits of life in
Christ are nearly always in conflict with values of the marketplace and the
culture. Our church and family communities, our own attitudes, are in large
part influenced by the culture and values of the societal marketplace. From the
beginning of our socialization as a child we are taught to "Seek first our
self interest, or the self interest of the institutions in which we
participate. Life is about 'ME'
and not 'WE.' "That is the pre-eminent value of our society. To express
our inner life in Christ brings inevitable rejection and conflict, and in grace
the formation over time of a prophetic voice. Inevitably this prophetic voice
may bring risk to your person and your standing in the community. And Yeshua
warns us, “A prophet in his own town is never recognized.” (Luke 4:24) Our time
of being hurled over the cliff of rejection and hostility may come. In the life of the contemplative the
prophetic voice is inevitably linked our inner life in Christ. To be in
communion with Christ is to be in communion with, and stand with, the poor and
the powerless, and to confront the cruelty of human society. The Zen
practitioner might say that is the "koan" of our life. The Christian
would say that is the cross we carry, in bringing together and making one, the
inner and the outer journey.
Breathing Yeshua, the
practice of Prayer of the Heart, is not relegated to isolated times of silence.
How we meet the world with the
fullness of our practice in relationships, in activity, in service, in
community is also and equally Breathing Yeshua. In the exercise of peace and
justice we exercise the fruits of our practice of Breathing Yeshua in daily
life. Yet too often we seek to fill the “holes” of felt incompleteness and
inadequacy through relationships with others, through roles we create, and
through identities and expectations we form in communities. We mistakenly look
for validation and completion in these things with resultant hurt, disappointment,
and grasping. Like the original followers of Christ we must find our truth and
say to Him, "To whom shall we go, You alone have the words of Life?"
(John 6:68) "Yeshua, you alone are our salvation, our healing, our
completion."
Seek First the Kingdom
In much of our life when we
seek understanding, validation, support, and appreciation from others, we
receive instead rejection, misunderstanding, and at times, even abuse. The
result can be a profound bitterness, hurt, and isolation. Even the best of
marriages, friendships, and Faith communities will always fall short in meeting
our desire and need for validation and understanding. We seek for completion
too often where we can never receive it. This can bring doubt and even despair
into our life of Faith. Neither are we able to give to our loved ones and
relationships what they truly need and seek. God alone can satisfy the desire
of our Heart.
What is the resolution for
those on the Way of the Heart? My spiritual mentor Abbot Bernard McVeigh, was one
of the most loving, validating, accepting, appreciating, people I have
known. Yet he was forever saying,
"Don't look 'out there' for what you seek? " He reminded me often
that our inner life of communion in Christ is hidden. At best we can only share
the fruits of it. In our life in
Christ alone will we find the understanding, appreciation, validation, and
ultimately the Love we desire and need to find completion and wholeness in
life. No marriage, friendship, community, or work role will ever satisfy our
deepest desire. Yeshua alone is our heart's desire.
Many
of us "burn out" in our marriages. Many of those in my profession of
mental health and human services " burn out." This depleted state
arises so often because we come to the encounter of marriage and work with
empty cups. We are not fed, we are not validated within; we are not nourished
by our inner spiritual life. Many
of us may find ourselves at a stage after years of marriage disappointed or
hurt or feeling betrayed because our spouse isn't giving us what we need. We
can feel discouraged and empty in our work because it isn't giving us what we
need. Many of those I have know in religious ministry have "burned
out" and either left or remain in their roles of service empty, deprived,
and betrayed.
Much
of our hurt, much of our sense of being misunderstood, much of our sense of
abandonment by others is related to seeking from them something they can never
give us, nor can we ever give them. When we cease to try to squeeze from
others what they can't give us, we are on the path to purification of the
Heart, that is, directing our true and essential desire and need to our life of
communion with Christ. And this
will help us endure and "ride out" the inevitable injuries we will
suffer in marriages, our work, and especially in the work of religious ministry
where the wounds can be so grievous. Religious or Faith communities, because
they are so close to what is essential in life, have great capacity to inflict
injury and harm. What gets us through these injuries and storms in life is our
practice of Breathing Yeshua and directing our deepest need for validation and
acceptance in Him alone. He
alone knows us; He alone loves us without reservation; He alone receives us
into Himself in totality.
Let
Christ Be Everything
The ancients of the desert
taught the answer in their praxis of purification of the Heart. The
desert ammas and abbas have taught if we want to find peace and wholeness in
life we must unify our desire, gather all desires for fulfillment into
One Desire, and Consecrate our self to it fully. Above all, we are cautioned to stop looking for
validation in places where we won’t find it. When we take our deepest need to
our life in Christ, then we find we can be more present, more giving, more accepting,
more appreciative of the existence of the loved ones, the work, the Faith
community in our life. We
encounter them with a cup that is full; we see the people and relationships in
our life in their blessing, for what they are, apart from what they might or
might not give us. We see Christ in them in their unique ways, and we bow
in presence, in adoration of Christ before us; and we give of ourselves in love
and service to Christ in them.
Others are not in this world to meet our every
need. We are all here to love one another, not to seek those things Christ
alone can give. The hidden life of Communion in Christ sets us free, to live a
life where in the words of St. Paul, “God is All, in all.”
(1 CO
15:28) and
we are free to love, and to experience life in such a way as expressed in the
poetic blessings of the Celtic saints,
