Friends,
The fundamentalist right seems to be much inclined to worry whether people greet each other with "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holiday." This argument has nothing to do with authentic Christmas values and much to do with tribal symbols, affiliation, and cultural dominance. Whose flag is the dominant one, whose group is the greater and in charge? These are their anxieties. At such a time the cultural and political forces waging this war are very much concerned with giving more of the nation's resources to the already affluent while the minimum safety net of food, health care, and shelter is cut even more. A sad, sad, path to take, and one which will bear bitter fruit for years to come.
I long ago signed off the cultural Christmas we now have in this land, of consumption, buying, selling, and the overall escalation of expectations and stress in people's lives. No presents, no cards, no tree, no decorations. I do have a small Christmas altar as part of a larger altar. That suits me fine.
As I puzzle over this I wonder how what is essentially a pre-Christian Northern European pagan festival came to be a celebration of the birth of Christ, particularly when we consider that the birth of Yeshua, the Christ is thought to have happened in April. I'm all for celebrations of lights in the middle of dark winter, but let's not make it more than it is. Let's search deeper.
The story is a good one, the Revelation of Divine Light, the King come to heal the land. That's one that many, if not all cultures, can understand. A child born in poverty, who will challenge empires, principalities, powers, and the priorities of societies like the present American one. But what does this story have to do with here and now, this moment and the next? The story is the mythical dimension of religion, but without something more, it's just a story, a beautiful one perhaps, but it's not my story, or the story of the Universe.
The icon of Christ Pantocrator is the compelling one for us. Christ who is at the Center of the Cosmos and the Center of our own Hearts. The Mystical dimension is the doorway in, what gives life and purpose to the myth. (Myth here does not mean "untrue") The Mystical dimension is the unitive spiritual dimension. Mystical Christmas is a celebration of a spiritual truth that happens to all of us as either actualized or unrealized potential. The Light of Christ can be born, can be revealed in each of us, can come forth if we allow, if we surrender to the longing for this birthing to happen in each of us, whether we be Christian or not. The One Life, that Christians know as the Trinity, the "I AM" Source of all existence, known by countless other names in other traditions, wants to be manifest and lived, consciously and intentionally in our own life.
Hence the goal of the spiritual life, the goal of religious practice, is not to simply venerate the historical events of Yeshua of Nazareth, or proclaim our tribal and group affiliation with this historic personage. The purpose of our life is bring forth, to actualize the same Light that Christians know as Christ in the life and humanity that is the human vessel of our own brief life on this earth. In this way the liturgical celebration of Advent and Christmas carries therefore deep significance. The historical event and the mystical process are joined in us and in the moment to moment choice we make to be present and open in presence and adoration to Divine Light and to offer the gift of our human self, our human will and faculties to this same Light and Love who wishes to be born and live fully in us. The goal of the Christian journey is not primarily to venerate the historical Jesus but to birth and live the mystical Christ-Christosis.
Christmas Peace and Blessings to All,
Bill Ryan
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Who am I? What am I doing?
My Dear Friends,
It has been two and a half months since my last post. This time has been a revelation to me again of the depth of my vulnerability and has brought me home to a semblance of humility about who I am and my nature in this world. To be human is to develop attachments, to desire and to cling to what is seen as safe and pleasant and to avoid what is seen as fearful or unsafe. I am no different. To change households after 17 years reveals the depth of these attachments, and confronts me with the inevitability of seeing each one. Some are old, and take the form of fears and manifestations of psychological anxiety forms. Some are new and show me my aging and my mortality, and my physical diminishment.
To place oneself in the process of moving, of selling one's home and buying another is to place the control and outcomes in the hands of others. As if I ever really had control over outcomes. Again I am reminded that I can only be with the River of human life, the best I can, and to make my self-offering such that I can be present and swim in the River of Divine Life as it flows through our own. There are moments when you can do nothing, nothing except, Breathe Yeshua. More than ever I know that to live my life is to Breathe Yeshua in this moment and the next, ceaselessly to offer the best of myself in loving kindness and to abide in His Presence ceaselessly, returning home again and again. Yeshua is My home.
With deep bows and ceaseless offering,
Bill Ryan
It has been two and a half months since my last post. This time has been a revelation to me again of the depth of my vulnerability and has brought me home to a semblance of humility about who I am and my nature in this world. To be human is to develop attachments, to desire and to cling to what is seen as safe and pleasant and to avoid what is seen as fearful or unsafe. I am no different. To change households after 17 years reveals the depth of these attachments, and confronts me with the inevitability of seeing each one. Some are old, and take the form of fears and manifestations of psychological anxiety forms. Some are new and show me my aging and my mortality, and my physical diminishment.
To place oneself in the process of moving, of selling one's home and buying another is to place the control and outcomes in the hands of others. As if I ever really had control over outcomes. Again I am reminded that I can only be with the River of human life, the best I can, and to make my self-offering such that I can be present and swim in the River of Divine Life as it flows through our own. There are moments when you can do nothing, nothing except, Breathe Yeshua. More than ever I know that to live my life is to Breathe Yeshua in this moment and the next, ceaselessly to offer the best of myself in loving kindness and to abide in His Presence ceaselessly, returning home again and again. Yeshua is My home.
With deep bows and ceaseless offering,
Bill Ryan
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Yeshua is Coming
"Keep awake, therefore, for you do not know when the Master of the House will come, in the evening, or at midnight, or at cockrow, or at dawn, or else He may find you asleep when he comes suddenly. And what I say to you I say to all: 'Keep awake!" Mark 13:35-37
"Yeshua says, I am the Light shining upon all things. I am the sum of everything, for everything has come forth from me, and towards me everything unfolds. Split a piece of wood and there I am. Pick up a stone and you fill find me there." logon 7- Gospel of Thomas
These two scripture readings address the question of our posture toward Christ. Sadly in the religious education of many, the question of this posture is one of loyalty and external affiliation to the correct religious ideology and institution as proof of one's alignment on the "right" side of history when Jesus comes in the second coming or the parousia. For many this is a fear based proposition, a kind of "hedging" of bets or religious life insurance. It presents Jesus as a pathetic authority figure whose sole concern seems to be your unquestioning loyalty rather than the state of your commitment and transformation in the life of love and service. This is the state of conventional religious consciousness.
Here we see two important things. In the first reading Yeshua is the "Master of the house." The house is the self. The Master is the Life that animates the self. To see this from an esoteric and mystical understanding then is to see that we are invited to a state of spiritual attentiveness and receptivity at all times so we will be receptive and open and awakened to Christ's presence within us bursting forth. He is the bridegroom of the soul, the Fire of the Heart or true spirit.
The second reading is much more deliberately focused on the interior life. Here Yeshua's message is clear that the revelation of his true nature depends entirely on the state of our receptivity. Hence real spiritual practice is the cultivation of this receptivity, not by adding anything but an awakened attention to the Light that manifests in all things. When we open to the true essence or Light in each moment of every day life, in animate and inanimate things, we open to the Light of Yeshua's essence. They are the same. Hence the mystics have always said, our true nature is Christ. And the journey of a lifetime is one of Christosis, becoming Christ in all things.
If the praxis of this interior life of communion with Christ were the focus of religious denominations they would cease to be interested in the power and the standing that comes from being an "intermediary" and instead be a companion. They would understand that the "second coming" of Christ is this moment and the next. The true measure of life would then be our capacity for loving kindness in the world rather than the purity of our loyalty to religious institutions and our deference to their ideologies and pretensions of authority.
Many blessings,
Bill Ryan
cmpnwtr@earthlink.net
"Yeshua says, I am the Light shining upon all things. I am the sum of everything, for everything has come forth from me, and towards me everything unfolds. Split a piece of wood and there I am. Pick up a stone and you fill find me there." logon 7- Gospel of Thomas
These two scripture readings address the question of our posture toward Christ. Sadly in the religious education of many, the question of this posture is one of loyalty and external affiliation to the correct religious ideology and institution as proof of one's alignment on the "right" side of history when Jesus comes in the second coming or the parousia. For many this is a fear based proposition, a kind of "hedging" of bets or religious life insurance. It presents Jesus as a pathetic authority figure whose sole concern seems to be your unquestioning loyalty rather than the state of your commitment and transformation in the life of love and service. This is the state of conventional religious consciousness.
Here we see two important things. In the first reading Yeshua is the "Master of the house." The house is the self. The Master is the Life that animates the self. To see this from an esoteric and mystical understanding then is to see that we are invited to a state of spiritual attentiveness and receptivity at all times so we will be receptive and open and awakened to Christ's presence within us bursting forth. He is the bridegroom of the soul, the Fire of the Heart or true spirit.
The second reading is much more deliberately focused on the interior life. Here Yeshua's message is clear that the revelation of his true nature depends entirely on the state of our receptivity. Hence real spiritual practice is the cultivation of this receptivity, not by adding anything but an awakened attention to the Light that manifests in all things. When we open to the true essence or Light in each moment of every day life, in animate and inanimate things, we open to the Light of Yeshua's essence. They are the same. Hence the mystics have always said, our true nature is Christ. And the journey of a lifetime is one of Christosis, becoming Christ in all things.
If the praxis of this interior life of communion with Christ were the focus of religious denominations they would cease to be interested in the power and the standing that comes from being an "intermediary" and instead be a companion. They would understand that the "second coming" of Christ is this moment and the next. The true measure of life would then be our capacity for loving kindness in the world rather than the purity of our loyalty to religious institutions and our deference to their ideologies and pretensions of authority.
Many blessings,
Bill Ryan
cmpnwtr@earthlink.net
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Being Naked
"His students asked him. When will you manifest your self to us? How long will it be before we see you as you truly are? Yeshua replied, " On the day you strip yourself naked like those little children and take your clothes off and trample them on the ground under your feet without shame, then you will be able to look upon the son of the Living One without fear." Logon 37- Gospel of Thomas
Friends,
Yeshua uses the metaphor of wearing clothes and being naked to draw our attention to something quite simple but essential in the spiritual life. Persons begin the spiritual journey or a spiritual practice to answer some basic questions in life. Primary among them are "Who are we, where do we come from, where are we going?" If you answer the first question, you answer them all. Yeshua's students are saying, "show us your true nature." Yeshua responds by saying, "you will see my true nature as you uncover your own. They are the same." The Christian mystics say that Christ is our true nature, our true self. The primary paradigm of spiritual development in Eastern Christianity is that of Christosis, the transformation of our soul, our humanity from the inside out, in becoming Christ.
The process of this transformation is one of uncovering, of divestiture of the levels of false identity that we have cultivate in our life. The clothes we wear are the personas we create, the identities we mold in order to find survival and success in life. When we become identified and give our life to these self-creations we commit a life oppressing idolatry and become unable to experience our True Life, our true nature. This divestiture is not a comfortable thing. Often it happens when some support, or some identity we have created is lost or taken from us. Welcomed or not in aging, in sickness, and in death we will be divested and naked. We can throw off our clothes in freedom and joy or be stripped in fear and shame. In the Way of the Heart we learn the freedom of kenosis and releasing our burden of self.
A part of the purpose of taking an extended retreat such as this one, is to "strip' voluntarily from the attachments and the identities that have held one's life together. This is the second time in my life I have voluntarily left my professional career and identity. To leave it brings up an insecure feeling. In a previous extended retreat I had repetitive dreams of being naked in public and trying to hide. Yet here Yeshua is asking us to tread these identities under our feet, these protections from the world, without shame, without trying to hide. This is a new freedom, a new trust that the Life that we are, and the Life that holds us into being, is the Life to which we truly belong and find our home. It is total gift, we can not be undeserving, we can receive it and be glad, and Live this nakeness of our true being in joy. In this joy we recognize Yeshua and we recognize who we are, in our origin and Source, in our manifestation in this transitory life and in our end and new beginning at the end of this life. In the unveiling of the Glory that is Christ we unveil the Glory that abides also within us in our true nature. May we learn to uncover and live this Glory.
Blessings to all,
Bill Ryan
cmpnwtr@earthlink.net
Friends,
Yeshua uses the metaphor of wearing clothes and being naked to draw our attention to something quite simple but essential in the spiritual life. Persons begin the spiritual journey or a spiritual practice to answer some basic questions in life. Primary among them are "Who are we, where do we come from, where are we going?" If you answer the first question, you answer them all. Yeshua's students are saying, "show us your true nature." Yeshua responds by saying, "you will see my true nature as you uncover your own. They are the same." The Christian mystics say that Christ is our true nature, our true self. The primary paradigm of spiritual development in Eastern Christianity is that of Christosis, the transformation of our soul, our humanity from the inside out, in becoming Christ.
The process of this transformation is one of uncovering, of divestiture of the levels of false identity that we have cultivate in our life. The clothes we wear are the personas we create, the identities we mold in order to find survival and success in life. When we become identified and give our life to these self-creations we commit a life oppressing idolatry and become unable to experience our True Life, our true nature. This divestiture is not a comfortable thing. Often it happens when some support, or some identity we have created is lost or taken from us. Welcomed or not in aging, in sickness, and in death we will be divested and naked. We can throw off our clothes in freedom and joy or be stripped in fear and shame. In the Way of the Heart we learn the freedom of kenosis and releasing our burden of self.
A part of the purpose of taking an extended retreat such as this one, is to "strip' voluntarily from the attachments and the identities that have held one's life together. This is the second time in my life I have voluntarily left my professional career and identity. To leave it brings up an insecure feeling. In a previous extended retreat I had repetitive dreams of being naked in public and trying to hide. Yet here Yeshua is asking us to tread these identities under our feet, these protections from the world, without shame, without trying to hide. This is a new freedom, a new trust that the Life that we are, and the Life that holds us into being, is the Life to which we truly belong and find our home. It is total gift, we can not be undeserving, we can receive it and be glad, and Live this nakeness of our true being in joy. In this joy we recognize Yeshua and we recognize who we are, in our origin and Source, in our manifestation in this transitory life and in our end and new beginning at the end of this life. In the unveiling of the Glory that is Christ we unveil the Glory that abides also within us in our true nature. May we learn to uncover and live this Glory.
Blessings to all,
Bill Ryan
cmpnwtr@earthlink.net
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
The Way of Remembrance of God
Friends,
I heard a few years ago what is reportedly a true story. A young couple brought home their new born second child. On the first night at home, they awoke to hear their oldest daughter, now three, approach the crib of the infant in the nursery. She peered into the face of her young brother and said, "Tell me about God, I've almost forgot."
Now this is an endearing story but it speaks a profound and simple truth. The experiential knowledge of God, what the Greeks called "gnosis," and the Hebrews called "da'ath," is what we already possess. In Christianity and in the Semitic mystical origins of Christianity "remembrance" is the essence of all prayer and worship. The word used in the Middle East mystical traditions, whether they be Jewish, Christian, or Islamic, is "Remembrance" or "Anamnesis" (the Greek word). If we possess the knowledge of God in the Heart then there is an understanding that our origin and end is God, God is our Home, always was and always will be in eternity. By inference then the real adversary in our spiritual work is forgetfulness. Forgetfulness of our true nature and our origin and belonging is the source of every spiritual ill in the human condition. To Wake Up!! is then our task in remembering. We are admonished again and again by the Yeshua of scripture to be awake, because the "bridegroom comes." This is falsely understood by some as an apocalyptic reference. Rather it is the practice of 'every moment' unceasing prayer of remembrance, of cultivating spiritual attention and listening to the Heart of Christ beating in our own Heart or Spirit.
To wake up from the unconsciousness of our soul captivated in the ego-mind it is necessary therefore to cultivate a spacious interior silence the ancients called Hesychia. This spacious silence happens as we learn to observe and release from the traffic of the ego-mind and sink into and abide in the interior silence and Presence of the Heart. Prayer of the Heart as a process then, is "observing the mind, abiding in the Heart." In this abiding we began to recognize we are Home, and our inner ear of the Heart is listening more and more to the Heartbeat of the Universe, the Heart of Christ within us. As we listen, we attune our soul, our consciousness, our will to this deep, deep, and Life-giving Heartbeat. Our soul, every aspect of our humanity then becomes an expression of this Inner Heartbeat of Christ. This is Christosis, becoming Christ and we are all the Beloved Disciple with our cheek resting on the breast of Christ. We are Home, and we are remembering who we are, and the Life pouring forth from that Great and Universal Heart that upholds and sustains us.
Many blessings to all,
Bill Ryan
cmpnwtr@earthlink.net
I heard a few years ago what is reportedly a true story. A young couple brought home their new born second child. On the first night at home, they awoke to hear their oldest daughter, now three, approach the crib of the infant in the nursery. She peered into the face of her young brother and said, "Tell me about God, I've almost forgot."
Now this is an endearing story but it speaks a profound and simple truth. The experiential knowledge of God, what the Greeks called "gnosis," and the Hebrews called "da'ath," is what we already possess. In Christianity and in the Semitic mystical origins of Christianity "remembrance" is the essence of all prayer and worship. The word used in the Middle East mystical traditions, whether they be Jewish, Christian, or Islamic, is "Remembrance" or "Anamnesis" (the Greek word). If we possess the knowledge of God in the Heart then there is an understanding that our origin and end is God, God is our Home, always was and always will be in eternity. By inference then the real adversary in our spiritual work is forgetfulness. Forgetfulness of our true nature and our origin and belonging is the source of every spiritual ill in the human condition. To Wake Up!! is then our task in remembering. We are admonished again and again by the Yeshua of scripture to be awake, because the "bridegroom comes." This is falsely understood by some as an apocalyptic reference. Rather it is the practice of 'every moment' unceasing prayer of remembrance, of cultivating spiritual attention and listening to the Heart of Christ beating in our own Heart or Spirit.
To wake up from the unconsciousness of our soul captivated in the ego-mind it is necessary therefore to cultivate a spacious interior silence the ancients called Hesychia. This spacious silence happens as we learn to observe and release from the traffic of the ego-mind and sink into and abide in the interior silence and Presence of the Heart. Prayer of the Heart as a process then, is "observing the mind, abiding in the Heart." In this abiding we began to recognize we are Home, and our inner ear of the Heart is listening more and more to the Heartbeat of the Universe, the Heart of Christ within us. As we listen, we attune our soul, our consciousness, our will to this deep, deep, and Life-giving Heartbeat. Our soul, every aspect of our humanity then becomes an expression of this Inner Heartbeat of Christ. This is Christosis, becoming Christ and we are all the Beloved Disciple with our cheek resting on the breast of Christ. We are Home, and we are remembering who we are, and the Life pouring forth from that Great and Universal Heart that upholds and sustains us.
Many blessings to all,
Bill Ryan
cmpnwtr@earthlink.net
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Being on the Way
Friends,
The early followers of Yeshua were called people of the Way. It's a pity that present day followers don't have the same understanding. In Chinese spiritual tradition the Tao, or the Way, is both the Divine Mystery and the path. In Semitic Eastern Christianity, Christ is both the Divine Mystery manifest in the world, and the Way into that Mystery, the Way we participate in the Mystery.
Inevitably students of mine, as I have done in times past, ask if they shouldn't be having experiences, or noteworthy steps of attainment in the course of their years of practice of Prayer of the Heart. I can only say what I tell myself. There is nothing to be attained, and no separate person to attain it. The goal is the process, participation in the Way. The flow of the Christ Life in our Life is the Way. And we can either unite ourselves in it, in our awakened attention and in our self-offering surrender, or we can resist it, attempt to deny it or flee from it. Clearly having come a certain way, there is only one choice but to say "Yes". Saying Yes is what we can do. We may not be saints, we may not be illumined mystics, but we can continually say "Yes." And quite simply there is nothing else to do.
I awake in the morning. I drink my morning tea and look at the goldfish. They are awake, they are swirling around in their space. As thoughts of the day ahead begin to form, I can return to here and now as I am about to enter my prayer space. Yes, I can do this. I can sit and be present. I can be in Remembrance of the Way, of the appearance of Christ in me, in the world. I can shake off forgetfulness, here and now, and keep returning. This I can do. I can enter the Way, and return, again and again, without ceasing. This is the Great Way of Yeshua. We can do this!
Many blessings on your day,
Bill Ryan
cmpnwtr@earthlink.net
The early followers of Yeshua were called people of the Way. It's a pity that present day followers don't have the same understanding. In Chinese spiritual tradition the Tao, or the Way, is both the Divine Mystery and the path. In Semitic Eastern Christianity, Christ is both the Divine Mystery manifest in the world, and the Way into that Mystery, the Way we participate in the Mystery.
Inevitably students of mine, as I have done in times past, ask if they shouldn't be having experiences, or noteworthy steps of attainment in the course of their years of practice of Prayer of the Heart. I can only say what I tell myself. There is nothing to be attained, and no separate person to attain it. The goal is the process, participation in the Way. The flow of the Christ Life in our Life is the Way. And we can either unite ourselves in it, in our awakened attention and in our self-offering surrender, or we can resist it, attempt to deny it or flee from it. Clearly having come a certain way, there is only one choice but to say "Yes". Saying Yes is what we can do. We may not be saints, we may not be illumined mystics, but we can continually say "Yes." And quite simply there is nothing else to do.
I awake in the morning. I drink my morning tea and look at the goldfish. They are awake, they are swirling around in their space. As thoughts of the day ahead begin to form, I can return to here and now as I am about to enter my prayer space. Yes, I can do this. I can sit and be present. I can be in Remembrance of the Way, of the appearance of Christ in me, in the world. I can shake off forgetfulness, here and now, and keep returning. This I can do. I can enter the Way, and return, again and again, without ceasing. This is the Great Way of Yeshua. We can do this!
Many blessings on your day,
Bill Ryan
cmpnwtr@earthlink.net
Monday, July 11, 2005
The Edge
Friends,
A master of the spiritual journey is the African American mystic, Howard Thurman, who was reportedly a spiritual guide to Martin Luther King and many other prophets of our time. In the collection of writings Meditations of the Heart he has a short paragraph reflection called "The Growing Edge." He is speaking about that spatial zone in our life when we are most open to growth. He says, "Look well to the Growing Edge. All around worlds are dying and new worlds are being born..." Life brings change to us, and the path of growth is the open hand, which releases and receives and releases and receives. And it is the moment when there is space that new life can come, especially when we have reached the end of our limits. He states it eloquently this way, "It is the extra breath from the exhausted lung, the one more thing to try when all else has failed, the upward reach of life when weariness closes in upon all endeavor." The retreat experience is an attempt to deliberately place one in this space of the "growing edge.' The spiritual writer, Richard Rohr, calls this "liminal space." Whether a short or a year long retreat, the schedule and the discipline is such to move into liminal space. The hours of formal silent sitting practice are increased, the external sources of social and emotional support are severely limited. The role of being "hermit" wears thin, the romance leaves quickly. There is just you and your practice, nothing to divert you, nothing to excuse you. There is only Breathing Yeshua, nothing else. And one moves into an emptiness that is the liminal space of growth, when what is essential can be revealed. There is no reward system, there is no quid pro quo, the bowing and offering are itself all that is to be found and strangely to our ego-mind it is complete, it is enough. This creates crisis for the ego that continually seeks reward, living in the world of self and other. The numinous world is just ceaseless bowing and ceaseless self-offering. It is its own fulfillment in the flow of Divine Life. To do this and find one's true life is to let Christ live in us.
Many blessings,
Bill Ryan
cmpnwtr@earthlink.net
A master of the spiritual journey is the African American mystic, Howard Thurman, who was reportedly a spiritual guide to Martin Luther King and many other prophets of our time. In the collection of writings Meditations of the Heart he has a short paragraph reflection called "The Growing Edge." He is speaking about that spatial zone in our life when we are most open to growth. He says, "Look well to the Growing Edge. All around worlds are dying and new worlds are being born..." Life brings change to us, and the path of growth is the open hand, which releases and receives and releases and receives. And it is the moment when there is space that new life can come, especially when we have reached the end of our limits. He states it eloquently this way, "It is the extra breath from the exhausted lung, the one more thing to try when all else has failed, the upward reach of life when weariness closes in upon all endeavor." The retreat experience is an attempt to deliberately place one in this space of the "growing edge.' The spiritual writer, Richard Rohr, calls this "liminal space." Whether a short or a year long retreat, the schedule and the discipline is such to move into liminal space. The hours of formal silent sitting practice are increased, the external sources of social and emotional support are severely limited. The role of being "hermit" wears thin, the romance leaves quickly. There is just you and your practice, nothing to divert you, nothing to excuse you. There is only Breathing Yeshua, nothing else. And one moves into an emptiness that is the liminal space of growth, when what is essential can be revealed. There is no reward system, there is no quid pro quo, the bowing and offering are itself all that is to be found and strangely to our ego-mind it is complete, it is enough. This creates crisis for the ego that continually seeks reward, living in the world of self and other. The numinous world is just ceaseless bowing and ceaseless self-offering. It is its own fulfillment in the flow of Divine Life. To do this and find one's true life is to let Christ live in us.
Many blessings,
Bill Ryan
cmpnwtr@earthlink.net
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
What you get
Friends,
Someone asked me as I began this year long retreat what I would get from it. I pondered a moment and said, "Nothing." Now it might appear on the surface that anyone who is setting about for a year's labour, albeit a project of inner work, and expects to get nothing from it, is a candidate for lunacy. This is not the first time my reality orientation might have been questioned. Yet that is the logic of the culture of the world of human society based on separateness and competition. Isn't this what Yeshua spoke of when he challenged us to be "in" the world, but not "of" the world. To live a life rooted in the reality of the Heart, in the Reality of the Christos, is to be in tension with, to be rejected by the world and the values of human society. The Gospel beatitudes tell us that accessibility to the Kingdom of God happens not when we grasp, not when we seek more, but when the grasping fist becomes an open hand, when we cease from taking and craving, but open, release, and offer in love. The limitless life of Yeshua, the Living Spring within us, then becomes possible.
Meister Eckhart says that God doesn't have a choice. When we are ready, God in God's nature must pour God's Self into the space that awaits. So, perhaps I am doing nothing more than making space, space for God to live and breath, space for Yeshua to breathe in me and I to breath Yeshua. This is the Great Way of Christosis, becoming Christ in each moment of consecration. Nothing dramatic, just breathing in and breathing out, in Adoration and Self-offering, in sweeping the floor and cleaning out the house, in cooking the meals, in quiet presence with my wife,Jeanette, in my silent sitting Prayer of the Heart communion with Beloved Yeshua, entering into Christosis. In each breath, in each day, in growing spaciousness. In this I get nothing, I only learn to be more deeply and fully given.
Blessings always,
Bill Ryan
cmpnwtr@earthlink.net
Someone asked me as I began this year long retreat what I would get from it. I pondered a moment and said, "Nothing." Now it might appear on the surface that anyone who is setting about for a year's labour, albeit a project of inner work, and expects to get nothing from it, is a candidate for lunacy. This is not the first time my reality orientation might have been questioned. Yet that is the logic of the culture of the world of human society based on separateness and competition. Isn't this what Yeshua spoke of when he challenged us to be "in" the world, but not "of" the world. To live a life rooted in the reality of the Heart, in the Reality of the Christos, is to be in tension with, to be rejected by the world and the values of human society. The Gospel beatitudes tell us that accessibility to the Kingdom of God happens not when we grasp, not when we seek more, but when the grasping fist becomes an open hand, when we cease from taking and craving, but open, release, and offer in love. The limitless life of Yeshua, the Living Spring within us, then becomes possible.
Meister Eckhart says that God doesn't have a choice. When we are ready, God in God's nature must pour God's Self into the space that awaits. So, perhaps I am doing nothing more than making space, space for God to live and breath, space for Yeshua to breathe in me and I to breath Yeshua. This is the Great Way of Christosis, becoming Christ in each moment of consecration. Nothing dramatic, just breathing in and breathing out, in Adoration and Self-offering, in sweeping the floor and cleaning out the house, in cooking the meals, in quiet presence with my wife,Jeanette, in my silent sitting Prayer of the Heart communion with Beloved Yeshua, entering into Christosis. In each breath, in each day, in growing spaciousness. In this I get nothing, I only learn to be more deeply and fully given.
Blessings always,
Bill Ryan
cmpnwtr@earthlink.net
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Searching
Yeshua says: "If you are searching you must not stop until you find. When you find, however, you will become troubled. Your confusion will give way to wonder. In wonder you will reign over all things. Your sovereignty will be your rest." Logion 2- The Gospel of Thomas
In this Coptic Gospel the Wisdom Yeshua presents Himself, His true nature to us and presents the possibility of the Great Way to all. They are the same. Everyone begins by searching. There is the arising of a great desire. The Zen master ancestor, Dogen, calls this the "Mind that Seeks the Way." The author of the Cloud of Unknowing calls this our naked desire, our heart's desire. Doesn't matter, it's innate, it's in all of us. It may remain dormant in some, stifled in others, or given full reign in others. In every case our heart's desire is the way in to the Divine, the way Home. What may be tragic or sad in a life, is that because of despair or confusion, persons either seek cheap substitutes for their heart's desire or give up altogether.
The invitation is to listen to your desire to be Home, to be one with the Unity That Is. In the Christian tradition Yeshua offers Himself as the gate to that essential Unity He calls Abba (loving parent) or Allaha (the Unity from which all things arise.) Yeshua urges us not to stop, for anything, Keep on following this desire, this searching. As we open to it, as we discover the Home that is Christ in our own heart, it can be disturbing, for the very simple reason that our soul, our behavior, our attitudes and values are stunningly out of harmony with this Deeper Life of Christ in our life. Hence the illumination of awakening to oneness is just the beginning. The path then takes us into a lifetime of contrition, conversion, and bringing all of our humanity, all of our soul/consciousness as a lamp of this inner Light of Christ.
Yeshua notes that our confusion subsides as we began to understand that this process of divinization, of continual conversion, of transformation of becoming Christ, is the what we're here to do. The wonder is that there is a Life, the Heart of Christ within us that does reign over all that is our rest and the sovereignty to whom we can give our entire life each moment. This is the meaning of the Consecrated Life.
As time goes on and as I enter this year of retreat, as I do my manual work practice of cleaning out the garage, the closets, the garden shed, the storage room there is some pretty yucky stuff there, mice dung, dirt, and debris of every sort. Well it's a joy to bring some light into these spaces and sweep them clean and bright. This is not unlike the shape we may find our own soul/consciousness. There's yucky stuff in there! Knotted and dark places in need of wholesome Light and space. I shake my head at times, rediscovering with humility what kind of shape I'm actually in. Not a problem, don't judge it as unworthy or unclean. Just sort through it and invite the Light and the spacious healing of the Savior Christ into it. In the same way it is a joy to bring Light and healing and let Christ live in us. That is true living and that is the purpose of our practice, that Christ may live fully in us, in the bosom of our very humanity. As our searching and our wonder grows, the Heart of Christ will reign over all and we will rest and abide in Him as He has welcomed us to do. Our searching begins and ends as we follow the Great Way of the Beloved Disciple, laying our cheek on the breast of Yeshua, listening to the Heartbeart of the Eternal One, Heart of the Universe, Heart of Love, Heart of Compassionate Life.
Yeshua is my home eternally.
Blessings to all,
Bill Ryan
cmpnwtr@earthlink.net
In this Coptic Gospel the Wisdom Yeshua presents Himself, His true nature to us and presents the possibility of the Great Way to all. They are the same. Everyone begins by searching. There is the arising of a great desire. The Zen master ancestor, Dogen, calls this the "Mind that Seeks the Way." The author of the Cloud of Unknowing calls this our naked desire, our heart's desire. Doesn't matter, it's innate, it's in all of us. It may remain dormant in some, stifled in others, or given full reign in others. In every case our heart's desire is the way in to the Divine, the way Home. What may be tragic or sad in a life, is that because of despair or confusion, persons either seek cheap substitutes for their heart's desire or give up altogether.
The invitation is to listen to your desire to be Home, to be one with the Unity That Is. In the Christian tradition Yeshua offers Himself as the gate to that essential Unity He calls Abba (loving parent) or Allaha (the Unity from which all things arise.) Yeshua urges us not to stop, for anything, Keep on following this desire, this searching. As we open to it, as we discover the Home that is Christ in our own heart, it can be disturbing, for the very simple reason that our soul, our behavior, our attitudes and values are stunningly out of harmony with this Deeper Life of Christ in our life. Hence the illumination of awakening to oneness is just the beginning. The path then takes us into a lifetime of contrition, conversion, and bringing all of our humanity, all of our soul/consciousness as a lamp of this inner Light of Christ.
Yeshua notes that our confusion subsides as we began to understand that this process of divinization, of continual conversion, of transformation of becoming Christ, is the what we're here to do. The wonder is that there is a Life, the Heart of Christ within us that does reign over all that is our rest and the sovereignty to whom we can give our entire life each moment. This is the meaning of the Consecrated Life.
As time goes on and as I enter this year of retreat, as I do my manual work practice of cleaning out the garage, the closets, the garden shed, the storage room there is some pretty yucky stuff there, mice dung, dirt, and debris of every sort. Well it's a joy to bring some light into these spaces and sweep them clean and bright. This is not unlike the shape we may find our own soul/consciousness. There's yucky stuff in there! Knotted and dark places in need of wholesome Light and space. I shake my head at times, rediscovering with humility what kind of shape I'm actually in. Not a problem, don't judge it as unworthy or unclean. Just sort through it and invite the Light and the spacious healing of the Savior Christ into it. In the same way it is a joy to bring Light and healing and let Christ live in us. That is true living and that is the purpose of our practice, that Christ may live fully in us, in the bosom of our very humanity. As our searching and our wonder grows, the Heart of Christ will reign over all and we will rest and abide in Him as He has welcomed us to do. Our searching begins and ends as we follow the Great Way of the Beloved Disciple, laying our cheek on the breast of Yeshua, listening to the Heartbeart of the Eternal One, Heart of the Universe, Heart of Love, Heart of Compassionate Life.
Yeshua is my home eternally.
Blessings to all,
Bill Ryan
cmpnwtr@earthlink.net
Friday, June 17, 2005
The Big Fish
Dear Friends,
Yeshua says: " A true human being can be compared to a wise fisherman who casts his net into the sea and draws it up from below full of small fish. Hidden among them is one large, exceptional fish that he seizes immediately, throwing back all the rest without a second thought. Whoever has ears let them understand this." Logion 8- Gospel of Thomas
We are invited again and again in the canonical Gospels and in this saying from the Gospel of Thomas to live the undivided life. It is the paradox and the tension of human life that what we seek and what brings happiness is simple and uncomplicated, our heart's desire. The Heart as the seat of Essence brings us Home to the Heart of Christ as the ultimate refuge we seek, the ultimate purpose we choose, and the ulimate Love we embrace and give ourselves to. The Heart is the true spirit within us. And yet we were also given a mind to engage with the incarnate, ever transitory and shifting nature of the created world. We were given a mind that weaves and creates a sense of self, a self of separateness to defend and enhance. In imagination the mind loses connection with Home and creates new illusory worlds to seek, to possess, and to conquer for itself. It creates an opposition to other beings and builds a world unto itself, a small illusory circle apart from and isolated from the universal circle that is the Heart of Christ.
In this text Yeshua is not giving us some prescription or formula for self improvement, nor is he setting up an ideal for us to live up to, rather He is inviting us to do something that we most want to do anyway, to give our life, to be utterly, completely, passionately, and wholly consumed, wholly given, to our deepest longing in life. It is that simple, but not that easy.
Why are we here? Why do we lead a life of Faith, what is a longing that takes us into spiritual practice? The Hasidic Master, the Baal Shem Tov of 18th century Ukraine asserted, "Let us fall wholly into the hands of God, so that we do not fall into the hands of men." Without the consecrated life, without the total gift of self in love in the heart of Christ we are prey to be possessed by the culture which surrounds us.
A tragedy of our religious education can be that it does not open us to the miracle of Emmanuel, God with us, God within us. That the answers to our life of seeking are "out there" rather than at the heart of our own heart, the true spirit within us, the tabernacle, the holy of Holies of Christ's life and presence within us.
Throughout my journey my prayer has been, "Show me, Beloved, what I can give my life to completely and without reservation," as if there were a something outside of God that would bring this completion. And the response has always been, "let go, let go, let go.. and I am Here, and Now always offering Myself to you, He whispers to me, I am the One you can give your life to unreservedly. I will give you a place to rest your soul. Come to me and drink."
When we peel away everything else, and let go of all those damn little fishes we hold on to, the Big Fish is there, and has been all along, Offering Himself to us from the beginning. This is why we do the prayer of kenosis, to let go of all those little fishes, so we can empty of this hungry mind-seeking, and rest in the Heart where God waits for us eternally, "in this nakedness, (where all has been stripped away and given over to our Divine Beloved) does the soul find its true rest," as John of the Cross speaks.
The message of Yeshua in the Wisdom text of Thomas is clear. In order to fully receive the Big fish those little ones have got to be tossed back into the sea. The message of the Shema' (The Great Commandment) is clear, we must be given in entirety, no holding back. So here I am, in this year of retreat, clearing a sanctuary space so I can sink into, rest in my Deepest Longing for Communion with Christ, the Big Fish, and toss those little fish of misdirections and dead end. Since, I, like you deeply desire to be given and be utterly aflame, utterly consumed in this participation in the Fire of the Universal ShemaÂ’ that encompasses all things. This is the Big Fish, the Heart of God, who is Christ, in Whom the whole the universe and you and me have come into being.
So this year in my formal times of sitting practice of inner communion with Christ and in every moment, every breath, I want to keep coming back to searching deeply within and give myself again and again to the Presence of Adoration and to the utter Self giving of my love to the One who beckons me. I want to sink into Him and find my only and true Refuge, as He says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you a place to rest your soul."
Peace and blessings to all,
Bill Ryan
cmpnwtr@earthink.net
Yeshua says: " A true human being can be compared to a wise fisherman who casts his net into the sea and draws it up from below full of small fish. Hidden among them is one large, exceptional fish that he seizes immediately, throwing back all the rest without a second thought. Whoever has ears let them understand this." Logion 8- Gospel of Thomas
We are invited again and again in the canonical Gospels and in this saying from the Gospel of Thomas to live the undivided life. It is the paradox and the tension of human life that what we seek and what brings happiness is simple and uncomplicated, our heart's desire. The Heart as the seat of Essence brings us Home to the Heart of Christ as the ultimate refuge we seek, the ultimate purpose we choose, and the ulimate Love we embrace and give ourselves to. The Heart is the true spirit within us. And yet we were also given a mind to engage with the incarnate, ever transitory and shifting nature of the created world. We were given a mind that weaves and creates a sense of self, a self of separateness to defend and enhance. In imagination the mind loses connection with Home and creates new illusory worlds to seek, to possess, and to conquer for itself. It creates an opposition to other beings and builds a world unto itself, a small illusory circle apart from and isolated from the universal circle that is the Heart of Christ.
In this text Yeshua is not giving us some prescription or formula for self improvement, nor is he setting up an ideal for us to live up to, rather He is inviting us to do something that we most want to do anyway, to give our life, to be utterly, completely, passionately, and wholly consumed, wholly given, to our deepest longing in life. It is that simple, but not that easy.
Why are we here? Why do we lead a life of Faith, what is a longing that takes us into spiritual practice? The Hasidic Master, the Baal Shem Tov of 18th century Ukraine asserted, "Let us fall wholly into the hands of God, so that we do not fall into the hands of men." Without the consecrated life, without the total gift of self in love in the heart of Christ we are prey to be possessed by the culture which surrounds us.
A tragedy of our religious education can be that it does not open us to the miracle of Emmanuel, God with us, God within us. That the answers to our life of seeking are "out there" rather than at the heart of our own heart, the true spirit within us, the tabernacle, the holy of Holies of Christ's life and presence within us.
Throughout my journey my prayer has been, "Show me, Beloved, what I can give my life to completely and without reservation," as if there were a something outside of God that would bring this completion. And the response has always been, "let go, let go, let go.. and I am Here, and Now always offering Myself to you, He whispers to me, I am the One you can give your life to unreservedly. I will give you a place to rest your soul. Come to me and drink."
When we peel away everything else, and let go of all those damn little fishes we hold on to, the Big Fish is there, and has been all along, Offering Himself to us from the beginning. This is why we do the prayer of kenosis, to let go of all those little fishes, so we can empty of this hungry mind-seeking, and rest in the Heart where God waits for us eternally, "in this nakedness, (where all has been stripped away and given over to our Divine Beloved) does the soul find its true rest," as John of the Cross speaks.
The message of Yeshua in the Wisdom text of Thomas is clear. In order to fully receive the Big fish those little ones have got to be tossed back into the sea. The message of the Shema' (The Great Commandment) is clear, we must be given in entirety, no holding back. So here I am, in this year of retreat, clearing a sanctuary space so I can sink into, rest in my Deepest Longing for Communion with Christ, the Big Fish, and toss those little fish of misdirections and dead end. Since, I, like you deeply desire to be given and be utterly aflame, utterly consumed in this participation in the Fire of the Universal ShemaÂ’ that encompasses all things. This is the Big Fish, the Heart of God, who is Christ, in Whom the whole the universe and you and me have come into being.
So this year in my formal times of sitting practice of inner communion with Christ and in every moment, every breath, I want to keep coming back to searching deeply within and give myself again and again to the Presence of Adoration and to the utter Self giving of my love to the One who beckons me. I want to sink into Him and find my only and true Refuge, as He says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you a place to rest your soul."
Peace and blessings to all,
Bill Ryan
cmpnwtr@earthink.net
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Making a Promise
Friends,
Today I stood before the faith community of Sts. Peter and Paul parish. And I made a promise. It was a vow, stated before others. When vows are stated before others they take on added gravity. I have deliberately put myself on notice before others that I'm making a covenant with the Beloved Yeshua. I wanted to make this more than a private promise. Private promises can more easily be finessed or fudged. I don't want that. If I fall short, I want to face that. I also recognize that the support of my companions on the journey is welcomed and received, and needed.
When couples marry before others, they do so to make a covenant with each other, and with the Divine, but also with the community. We make covenants and take vows of spiritual practice, not for ourselves only, but for the good of all beings. All of us together are waking up together to a life of communion with the Beloved, the Life that is our life. And for Christians we recognize and find refuge in that One Life in our communion with Yeshua.
In approaching the altar I began with a chant from the Benedictine tradition, the Suscipe me, translated today by my Benedictine friends as "Receive me, O Lord, that I may live." I am saying to the Lord, Your Life is my true life, bring me into Oneness with You." I began the chant at the base of the aisle in Gregorian mode, and stopped half way to the altar, chanted again, and again a third time at the steps ascending to the chauncel area before the altar. There I knelt and responded to my rector, Kurt Neilsen , assisted by Mary, the subdeacon. I looked into their eyes and felt their warmth and their blessing. That was enough. He asked me, "What do you seek?" I replied, "I wish to be consecrated to the Lord Jesus Christ." That was enough, and all else was elaboration, but necessary elaboration. And I stated my vows and commitment to a daily rule of life. The structure and weave of the daily life of vow-keeping. I handed my vows to Kurt and he placed them on the altar and crossed me in blessing and I crossed myself, receiving his blessing, promising to face the darkness and bring it to healing in Yeshua.
I shook Kurt's hand and Mary's in giving the sign of Christ's peace. As I turned I felt the warmth and blessing of those present and went to each and receive their hand in exchange of peace. After the service, as it was " blue jeans Sunday" we all went outside and weeded and cleaned up the grounds in service and work practice given to the community. This I shall do every Thurs. to help me remember what I do in silence and in solitude I do not do alone, but ever in the communion of Christ in this sacred circle. Yet I know that every sacred circle in our lives is only one manifestation of the universal circle of the Heart of Christ that encompasses all beings, all Creation.
Thank you all for your blessing and your prayerful support as I begin my hermitage journey on Wed. June. 15
Bill Ryan - June 12, 2005
cmpwtr@earthlink.net
Today I stood before the faith community of Sts. Peter and Paul parish. And I made a promise. It was a vow, stated before others. When vows are stated before others they take on added gravity. I have deliberately put myself on notice before others that I'm making a covenant with the Beloved Yeshua. I wanted to make this more than a private promise. Private promises can more easily be finessed or fudged. I don't want that. If I fall short, I want to face that. I also recognize that the support of my companions on the journey is welcomed and received, and needed.
When couples marry before others, they do so to make a covenant with each other, and with the Divine, but also with the community. We make covenants and take vows of spiritual practice, not for ourselves only, but for the good of all beings. All of us together are waking up together to a life of communion with the Beloved, the Life that is our life. And for Christians we recognize and find refuge in that One Life in our communion with Yeshua.
In approaching the altar I began with a chant from the Benedictine tradition, the Suscipe me, translated today by my Benedictine friends as "Receive me, O Lord, that I may live." I am saying to the Lord, Your Life is my true life, bring me into Oneness with You." I began the chant at the base of the aisle in Gregorian mode, and stopped half way to the altar, chanted again, and again a third time at the steps ascending to the chauncel area before the altar. There I knelt and responded to my rector, Kurt Neilsen , assisted by Mary, the subdeacon. I looked into their eyes and felt their warmth and their blessing. That was enough. He asked me, "What do you seek?" I replied, "I wish to be consecrated to the Lord Jesus Christ." That was enough, and all else was elaboration, but necessary elaboration. And I stated my vows and commitment to a daily rule of life. The structure and weave of the daily life of vow-keeping. I handed my vows to Kurt and he placed them on the altar and crossed me in blessing and I crossed myself, receiving his blessing, promising to face the darkness and bring it to healing in Yeshua.
I shook Kurt's hand and Mary's in giving the sign of Christ's peace. As I turned I felt the warmth and blessing of those present and went to each and receive their hand in exchange of peace. After the service, as it was " blue jeans Sunday" we all went outside and weeded and cleaned up the grounds in service and work practice given to the community. This I shall do every Thurs. to help me remember what I do in silence and in solitude I do not do alone, but ever in the communion of Christ in this sacred circle. Yet I know that every sacred circle in our lives is only one manifestation of the universal circle of the Heart of Christ that encompasses all beings, all Creation.
Thank you all for your blessing and your prayerful support as I begin my hermitage journey on Wed. June. 15
Bill Ryan - June 12, 2005
cmpwtr@earthlink.net
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Breathing Yeshua
Human life is breathing in and breathing out, emptying and offering, receiving and bowing. Whether Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, or Native religion, we all do this. The Divine Beloved pours Herself out into life, into beings, and they pour themselves into the Divine Beloved. To do this conscously and intentionally is the inner work of spiritual practice. Yeshua, the Christ, came to show us this. And He is the Life and Gift of God poured out into us and the world. He offers Himself eternally to live and breathe in us. The Kingdom of God is within and without, and we can enter and abide.
Welcome to this diary of reflections on the journey!
Bill Ryan- www.prayeroftheheart.com
Welcome to this diary of reflections on the journey!
Bill Ryan- www.prayeroftheheart.com
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